Whelp.

I went to the interview this afternoon.

As I said it was a panel interview consisting of (possibly) my immediate manager and two people from company’s the board of directors. While it is somewhat nerve racking having three people asking you questions and inundating you with scenario’s, I think I killed it. I felt quite in control of the situation and I had them laughing and feeling comfortable. I am sure I came across quite capable and confident.

So.. I will know by Thursday if I got it or not. I guess it’s fingers crossed that nobody more qualified was interviewed.

Also.. its my 4th wedding anniversary.

Hubby is still not back from Germany yet and I am getting tired of passing milestones that aren’t celebrated because I’m a single married woman. 😐

It lingers, unfortunately.

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She’s broken because she believed, he’s ok because he lied.

Last night, yet again, I had a dream about my greek ex.

Even though I’m happy my husband is coming back, these stupid and unhappy dreams resurface. Its not like they are romantic dreams or anything happy at this point either, just stupid dreams about other things wherein he pops up and is a negative addition to another dream.

As you can see, I have made the posts about him password protected. I did not do this because I am afraid of him, or out of respect for him, but because I feel pity on him. Obviously he was not man enough to simply ask me to remove the posts privately, he maliciously created a whole blog for the sole purpose of slandering my name… and out of spite I kept the posts public to begin with. Now I am past the anger and simply don’t care. So I decided to make the posts private. Its funny how this “big man” went through all the trouble of creating a blog just to try to get under my skin. I used to think he was so much more of a higher being than to stoop so low.

I wish you all could have felt the respect and trust I had for him at one point. I truly would have given my life for him if he asked for it. To me he was above all other men, I guess that’s what a Dom should be.. I don’t know. Imagine the feeling though, of having someone you held in such high regard betray your trust and call you names, then ask yourself who that reflects worse on: them or you. I would say him because everyone knows, a real Dom never loses control.

I do check to see if his blog is still there though, just to see how long he will remain so childish. Seeing him fall so far from grace is pitiful.  Oh well. All I can say is I feel sorry for any girl who trusts him implicitly. Anyway enough of that.

I chalk these “bad dreams” up to stress.

Its not like the greek was the only bad element in last nights dream, there was also stressful scenario’s about my daughter and thinking I had to move homes.

Obviously a product of my worried mind.

Hubby is to return in a mere few days, and I am absolutely worried about his trip across the border. There has been a delay in his permanent residence papers and now he must travel without them (because the photographer in Germany fucked up the passport photos). This means he will likely be hassled at his point of entry, and again at first landing in Canada.

Thank God I have hired a certified immigration consultant. She has been well worth the 3 thousand dollars, she has been a real help.  I would highly recommend anyone who is immigrating to retain such an individual. I can’t imagine doing all this without her professional help.

I guess I should have known there would be snags just before the finish line.

My son and I are going to take a day trip into the forest today, for a picnic.. just to try to calm and re-center ourselves during all this chaos.

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Its the perfect day for it, not too hot and not too cold.

Anyway, until later. x

One week!

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One week until my husband returns, and has his permanent residence papers all in order and finished. All in, it’s probably cost us almost 8 thousand dollars.. but it was worth it.

It has been a long year apart. With much loss and heartache. I am looking forward to his return and finally having a shoulder to cry on.

Marriage is a funny thing. It’s like my Grandpa used to say “marriage doesn’t solve all your problems”. In fact, it creates quite of few of it’s own. I have never done well with compromise, but I’m learning. Thank God he’s patient. I am not an easy girl to love at times. I am very headstrong.

Grandma’s estate is in the process of being settled.. I miss her so much. Often times I cry just thinking about our times together. Its hard to be without her and grandpa.

ah well.. death is hardest on the ones left behind. The ones who have gone ahead are at peace.

RIP Grandma

Grandma passed away peacefully in her sleep at 8am this morning. She had been on pain meds so she was very comfortable. Her son was on his way up to visit her when he got the news, so he is with her corpse now, waiting for the funeral home to pick her up. I am not going to see her in death. I choose to remember her in life. She had a good life, almost making it to her 94th birthday and she went as she always wanted to go “in her sleep” like her father.  She would tell me often “I hope I just go to sleep and don’t wake up”.

At 6am she was saying “I want to see Andy” (her husband of 64 years), then she settled back down and went to sleep. She got her wish.  She’s with grandpa now. They both passed away in February, 7 years apart.

I will love & miss you both forever, you & my children were my world.  Until we meet again, and you come back for me.

Winter. bleah.

So the snow can fuck off at any time.

-15c everyday is not my idea of a lovely climate. I grew up on the coast near the ocean where it’s always temperate. I miss that. However my dreams of moving to PEI are still hanging in there..  can you blame me though? You can get a house there for 20 thousand dollars lol.

All my Christmas shopping is done, yay!  (right down to buying 7 stockings for my cats lol) My dilemma this year is that since my 18 year old is going to her boyfriends families house.. and my son is going to his fathers.. and my husband is in Germany.. I don’t want to cook. I welcome the chance to get a break from the holiday mania. The problem is that my 95 year old Grandma wants to come over. This year she’s going to just have to figure something else out, I have had her over every year since she moved into care.. which means packing her wheelchair up and down stairs, taking to her the toilet every half hour, pulling her pants down and wiping her bum for her when she’s done. It sounds selfish but I don’t want to do it this year. My uncle loves to remind everyone that he is her SON and I am “only the granddaughter”.. well buddy.. drive the 3 hours and have Christmas with your mom at her retirement home, or bring her down there with you. It shouldn’t always be up to me. I’m “just the granddaughter”.

On the bright side my hubby is back in march. It will be so nice to have him by me again…and.. to have sex! Omg it’s been almost a year with no sex and I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I was looking very forward to getting laid. 😀  I know we’ll fight, because he tries to be bossy with me.. and after the Greek fiasco the submissive side of me is never coming out again. All these idiots reading 50 shades of grey.. (or is it gray?) and daydreaming about a Dom don’t realize how much it hurts when they betray you. My “Dom” ended up calling me names and being super rude to me.. yet for 10 years he claimed to love me and called me his good girl. That shit stings when you’ve held nothing back from someone, and let them deeply and honestly into your mind. So yeah.. Never. Ever. Again.  I want a vanilla marriage, or I want to be the Domme. Nothing else. A lot of men think being Dom is being bossy.. that’s not it at all. There’s a fine art to the mental control that comes with being a Dom.. and I’m never allowing someone “in” again.

The wind is howling outside.. shaking the house.

Maybe I’ll wake up and be in Oz! 🙂 lol that would be fun. Okay, goodnight.

hmm..

The job is still “closed pending fill”. I have always wanted to work with the dead. I am sorry I did not pursue that mortician job when I was offered the training. Who knows.. they may still call. 🙂

Spooky (my oldest cat) is still hanging on. He still has a decent quality of life.. he walks around now and has more energy since I have been giving him specialty wet food once a day as well as giving all my cats a dish of organic coconut oil – which they love. He’s currently snoozing beside me. 🙂

Starting December 1st we have to wear masks at the hospital while on shift. ugh. Have you ever tried to talk for 12 hours with a mask rubbing your face? Its painful. Not to mention it scares the heck out of the patients who have altered cognition. Policies.. smh.

19 years ago today the world lost an icon. Michael Hutchence. Today I remember him, he is one of my all time favorite singers. An amazing talent with an amazing voice.

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I am very sad to say that a few days ago I tried to find one of my besties from childhood on facebook. She was a real wild child and I was excited to see what she’d been up to since we knew each other (I was 15)… when I couldn’t find her on facebook I googled her name only to find her on the missing and murdered aboriginal women’s list for Alberta Canada. Turns out she never tamed her wild ways and ended up being drug addicted and prostituting herself to make ends meet. One of those johns likely murdered her as her body was found in a remote location near a grain silo in 2006. I was gutted to read about all that. Sure she was a “hot mess” but she was also a sweet girl with a great big heart, who had a kind soul. Of course when she drank though, she was feisty.. omg. I wanted to just vent that as it’s been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I am super upset that her murder has never been solved, the killer has never been brought to justice. She was so thrilling to be around, her life was always an adventure and our moments together were always exciting. I can still remember me trying to talk her out of selling her body, towards the end of our time hanging out together.. and her saying “Hey listen, you GIVE it away.. at least I get PAID!” and laughing. Oh Bonnie.. I wish you would have listened. I hope your killer is found and hurt for what he did to you. Whomever he was, I KNOW for certain you laid the boots to him.. and I know you got some good punches in. Rest easy my scrappy friend. Thanks for always telling me how beautiful I was, and thanks for letting your guard down with me during our friendship.. I know that took a lot of courage for you. I’m sending you a big hug to heaven. You were always the beautiful one.

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The weather has turned cold now. I cant wait until my husband is back. It is only a few more months. All his immigration paperwork is finished and it has cost me almost 10 thousand dollars. Money doesn’t matter though, in the end. Having my husband does. Once I get my inheritance we plan on moving to P.E.I or Nova Scotia. Do you know you can get a house there on acreage for 20 thousand dollars? Super cheap! Why live the rat race here when we can live like kings there? Exactly. Plus it’s beautiful. Imagine ocean front property with whales and icebergs floating by.. and the sunsets. I am so excited for that dream.

My sister came to see me last weekend and we spread our mother’s ashes in the same place we spread our Grandfather’s. Mom would have loved that. My sister took it pretty hard, she felt like she was losing her all over again. I felt a sense of relief instead, knowing mom was finally free. She died in 2004 and we’ve taken turns with her urn ever since.. until I said enough was enough. So glad she was on board with that. I love my sister. Over the years she has become an exceptional woman. I’m proud of her. She recently married a wealthy Italian man (thought I was the one who was going to marry an Italian.. my first boyfriend was named Guido! lol) and is living a happy live in his mansion. Good for her.

Well, the sleeping pill is kicking in now, so.. goodnight and be well. ❤

 

Enjoying autumn

Sorry I haven’t updated in awhile. I have been so busy trying to enjoy life. Autumn is my favorite time of year. ❤

The update with Spooky (my kitty) is that he’s doing better now. He is even jumping down from the sofa and back up again. I have been giving him lots of TLC since my last post. At first I was picking him up to carry him anywhere he needed to go; to the bathroom, to drink, to eat, to lay down. I had to actually wash his feces off in those first few days as he could not stand to go to the washroom, he sat down. No fun for anyone but the good news is that now he’s doing better. He walks with stiff back legs, but he still walks pretty good these days. He is not falling to the left. (I am convinced he had a stroke ) He gets wet food once a day because I noticed that his hind feet were swollen and am concerned for his kidneys because of it. I do notice he is drinking a lot of water.. which is another kidney indicator.  I have also been taking him outside when it’s sunny so he can walk around the yard for ten minutes or so, which he really enjoys. He even tries to stretch his hind legs when he’s out there, watching birds and eating the catnip I planted two years ago. He can actually step into the cat box with his back legs now.. and every day I give him a dish of coconut oil, which he really seems to enjoy and we are working on getting some matted hair off of him, when he’s not too angry about it. Right now he sits on the recliner cleaning his face with his paw. He looks happy enough. 🙂

On the topic of cat care, I do have to say one thing.. fucking ear mites. They are the bane of my existence. I have tried everything.. sirolan (sp?) doesn’t seem to work, the ear cleaning fluid is a joke.. and I wish I could find a homeopathic or home remedy for these little buggers. My one kitty has a swollen ear now from shaking his head. It looks like a case of cauliflower ear. Ughhhhhhhhh. I am still trying the sirolan but for fuck sakes, how come nobody has a better way to cope with this?? Its impossible in a multi cat household.

Other than that I bought a new dining set yesterday which I really like and the scenery here is beautiful. Here’s a pic:

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fall colors everywhere. ❤

I have been feeling sooo much better since my colonoscopy. They found four polyps (which turn into cancer) in my transverse colon.. so I feel much better having those removed. Plus my thyroid issues are calming down and I feel more energized. I am trying to eat healthier.. eating a protein drink in the morning instead of skipping meals. I have also added Quinoa to my diet and am eating as much organics as possible as well as taking vitamin D and avoiding processed foods. I think the protein drink is helping quite a bit as I rarely eat meat and only drink almond/soy/rice milk.. I was probably lacking because of it.

The other thing I have been doing is my sister gave me a herb vape and I have been taking a vape hit once before bed on the nights I feel like I wont be able to sleep. I have such restful sleeps and wake up feeling so much better in the morning.

Anyway time to go chat with hubby for a bit then head to bed. Thanks for reading. 🙂