Sick to my stomach..

Friends, my husbands best friend in Germany seems to have become fond of me. Fond enough to begin to share some of my husbands secrets with me. One of those secrets being that a year or so before my husband met me online, he could not find a girlfriend so he was paying prostitutes for sex. I was so stunned that I am not sure if he said there was one specific one he was always visiting, or many.

As you would likely be, I am sick to my stomach.

I am not sure of the friends motives to tell me this, but he was telling me to stop tolerating my husbands rude behaviour, and that no other girls would put up with it.. then he blurted that out. He said my husband brought hookers over to his house before also. Then he made me promise not to say anything to my husband that I know.

When my husband returned home from work I was sickened by the sight of him. He tried to kiss me and I said ‘Gross, no thank you’ and walked away. He was asking me what’s wrong but as I had promised his friend, I did not say. I only said ‘nothing’.

I did tell him he is a disgusting old man and get out of my face and never come close to me again. He wasn’t that affected.

Then this morning my car was gone and when I checked my bank account he had snuck my bank card and removed money from my account without my knowing and replaced the card thinking I would be no wiser. I was livid.

So the upshot of it all is that for two days now I have not spoken to him.. well.. except to let him know if he steals from me again I will report it to the police.

So disgusting… I feel like this must be hell.

Feb 2nd is the one year anniversary of my Grandmas death. It’s weighing heavy on my heart tonight. I miss her a lot, even though I know she was ready to go having lived 94 years.

Sigh.

Hopefully next entry is more upbeat.

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A quick update

So, hubby is back and working. This is great because I don’t have to work, I get to stay home.. and besides, I have had to deal with an ongoing depression since my Grandma passed away last February. I miss her and my Grandpa so much. I’ve felt a huge feeling of loss since she left.. my son is 17 and my daughter is 19 now, and I miss them being little. I feel that loss also. Its been hard.

My birthday’s coming up and I’ll be turning 48 years old. Hmm.. whats good about that? lol not much. If Im not careful I will pee when I sneeze and I have to take pills twice everyday for a stomach issue I’ve developed. Hooray. Oh well, at least I still look good. *shrug*

I’m still waiting for my Grandparents estate to be settled. I haven’t heard from my uncle (the executor) since just after Grandma died.. that’s 6 months now. However, I have read that it takes a year after someone dies to settle the estate, this year is actually called “the executors year”. Before I looked into it I was worried he could just spend the money himself, but after looking up the laws I found out he cant touch the money legally until every beneficiary has signed an agreement saying its okay. So.. Im just waiting patiently.

In the mean time I am just looking for houses to buy once everything is settled. I cant wait to move and not have to work in nursing anymore. Im burnt out.

My daughter is going on a trip by herself in two days, I am very stressed out about it and worried for her safety. She’s going by bus and I dont feel its safe, plus she will be staying in another province for a week and a half.. alone.. she’s only 19 years old.. of course her ex boyfriend lives in that town but he’s as reliable as a broken car and she’s so naive. *sigh* I just cant wait till she comes back safely.

Anyway.. how about that Jensen Ackles?? God bless his cotton socks he’s actually probably the most perfect specimen I’ve ever laid eyes on.. and I’ve laid eyes on quite a few. lol. cheers!

I’ll just leave this right here…. ahem.

Whelp.

I went to the interview this afternoon.

As I said it was a panel interview consisting of (possibly) my immediate manager and two people from company’s the board of directors. While it is somewhat nerve racking having three people asking you questions and inundating you with scenario’s, I think I killed it. I felt quite in control of the situation and I had them laughing and feeling comfortable. I am sure I came across quite capable and confident.

So.. I will know by Thursday if I got it or not. I guess it’s fingers crossed that nobody more qualified was interviewed.

Also.. its my 4th wedding anniversary.

Hubby is still not back from Germany yet and I am getting tired of passing milestones that aren’t celebrated because I’m a single married woman. 😐

It lingers, unfortunately.

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She’s broken because she believed, he’s ok because he lied.

Hubby is to return in a mere few days, and I am absolutely worried about his trip across the border. There has been a delay in his permanent residence papers and now he must travel without them (because the photographer in Germany fucked up the passport photos). This means he will likely be hassled at his point of entry, and again at first landing in Canada.

Thank God I have hired a certified immigration consultant. She has been well worth the 3 thousand dollars, she has been a real help.  I would highly recommend anyone who is immigrating to retain such an individual. I can’t imagine doing all this without her professional help.

I guess I should have known there would be snags just before the finish line.

My son and I are going to take a day trip into the forest today, for a picnic.. just to try to calm and re-center ourselves during all this chaos.

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Its the perfect day for it, not too hot and not too cold.

Anyway, until later. x

One week!

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One week until my husband returns, and has his permanent residence papers all in order and finished. All in, it’s probably cost us almost 8 thousand dollars.. but it was worth it.

It has been a long year apart. With much loss and heartache. I am looking forward to his return and finally having a shoulder to cry on.

Marriage is a funny thing. It’s like my Grandpa used to say “marriage doesn’t solve all your problems”. In fact, it creates quite of few of it’s own. I have never done well with compromise, but I’m learning. Thank God he’s patient. I am not an easy girl to love at times. I am very headstrong.

Grandma’s estate is in the process of being settled.. I miss her so much. Often times I cry just thinking about our times together. Its hard to be without her and grandpa.

ah well.. death is hardest on the ones left behind. The ones who have gone ahead are at peace.

RIP Grandma

Grandma passed away peacefully in her sleep at 8am this morning. She had been on pain meds so she was very comfortable. Her son was on his way up to visit her when he got the news, so he is with her corpse now, waiting for the funeral home to pick her up. I am not going to see her in death. I choose to remember her in life. She had a good life, almost making it to her 94th birthday and she went as she always wanted to go “in her sleep” like her father.  She would tell me often “I hope I just go to sleep and don’t wake up”.

At 6am she was saying “I want to see Andy” (her husband of 64 years), then she settled back down and went to sleep. She got her wish.  She’s with grandpa now. They both passed away in February, 7 years apart.

I will love & miss you both forever, you & my children were my world.  Until we meet again, and you come back for me.

Winter. bleah.

So the snow can fuck off at any time.

-15c everyday is not my idea of a lovely climate. I grew up on the coast near the ocean where it’s always temperate. I miss that. However my dreams of moving to PEI are still hanging in there..  can you blame me though? You can get a house there for 20 thousand dollars lol.

All my Christmas shopping is done, yay!  (right down to buying 7 stockings for my cats lol) My dilemma this year is that since my 18 year old is going to her boyfriends families house.. and my son is going to his fathers.. and my husband is in Germany.. I don’t want to cook. I welcome the chance to get a break from the holiday mania. The problem is that my 95 year old Grandma wants to come over. This year she’s going to just have to figure something else out, I have had her over every year since she moved into care.. which means packing her wheelchair up and down stairs, taking to her the toilet every half hour, pulling her pants down and wiping her bum for her when she’s done. It sounds selfish but I don’t want to do it this year. My uncle loves to remind everyone that he is her SON and I am “only the granddaughter”.. well buddy.. drive the 3 hours and have Christmas with your mom at her retirement home, or bring her down there with you. It shouldn’t always be up to me. I’m “just the granddaughter”.

On the bright side my hubby is back in march. It will be so nice to have him by me again…and.. to have sex! Omg it’s been almost a year with no sex and I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I was looking very forward to getting laid. 😀  I know we’ll fight, because he tries to be bossy with me.. and after the Greek fiasco the submissive side of me is never coming out again. All these idiots reading 50 shades of grey.. (or is it gray?) and daydreaming about a Dom don’t realize how much it hurts when they betray you. My “Dom” ended up calling me names and being super rude to me.. yet for 10 years he claimed to love me and called me his good girl. That shit stings when you’ve held nothing back from someone, and let them deeply and honestly into your mind. So yeah.. Never. Ever. Again.  I want a vanilla marriage, or I want to be the Domme. Nothing else. A lot of men think being Dom is being bossy.. that’s not it at all. There’s a fine art to the mental control that comes with being a Dom.. and I’m never allowing someone “in” again.

The wind is howling outside.. shaking the house.

Maybe I’ll wake up and be in Oz! 🙂 lol that would be fun. Okay, goodnight.