Sick to my stomach..

Friends, my husbands best friend in Germany seems to have become fond of me. Fond enough to begin to share some of my husbands secrets with me. One of those secrets being that a year or so before my husband met me online, he could not find a girlfriend so he was paying prostitutes for sex. I was so stunned that I am not sure if he said there was one specific one he was always visiting, or many.

As you would likely be, I am sick to my stomach.

I am not sure of the friends motives to tell me this, but he was telling me to stop tolerating my husbands rude behaviour, and that no other girls would put up with it.. then he blurted that out. He said my husband brought hookers over to his house before also. Then he made me promise not to say anything to my husband that I know.

When my husband returned home from work I was sickened by the sight of him. He tried to kiss me and I said ‘Gross, no thank you’ and walked away. He was asking me what’s wrong but as I had promised his friend, I did not say. I only said ‘nothing’.

I did tell him he is a disgusting old man and get out of my face and never come close to me again. He wasn’t that affected.

Then this morning my car was gone and when I checked my bank account he had snuck my bank card and removed money from my account without my knowing and replaced the card thinking I would be no wiser. I was livid.

So the upshot of it all is that for two days now I have not spoken to him.. well.. except to let him know if he steals from me again I will report it to the police.

So disgusting… I feel like this must be hell.

Feb 2nd is the one year anniversary of my Grandmas death. It’s weighing heavy on my heart tonight. I miss her a lot, even though I know she was ready to go having lived 94 years.


Hopefully next entry is more upbeat.


He’s back

So, my husband arrived on time and we picked him up at the airport.

Things have been great since he got back, he’s been fixing things around the house.. helping me and now he’s working. We still have lots to do now that he’s a Canadian citizen. Time to get him onto my bank account, set up health care and get all his Canadian identifications. He has been very happy to be back also. So things are looking up around here.  I am still looking for houses to buy once my inheritance comes in.

We want a house on some acreage, out in the country. Something we can enjoy nature with and our animals can have lots of room to do the same.

Two days ago while my husband was at work, I went to the pool and worked out. It was fun. I think I’m going to do that more often. I’m in okay shape now but I’d like to be in better shape again. My health is alright, although I have to go back to the thyroid specialist for a “follow up” appointment in June. I am hoping he does not tell me I need surgery.  I’ve been thinking about a Zumba class.. they look fun. 🙂

I sure miss Grandma though. I miss having her to talk to, even if it was just a telephone call.

Hubby and I have been having sooooo much sex, its insane. Its nice to finally not feel like a single married woman anymore.


f62d3716a57eb2be81b003f2cd8d7699Last night I had a dream that Raymond Reddington was my Daddy dom. lol. I don’t know what it is about men with a powerful, “strictly business” personality that draws me in, but its like I crave their affection. Maybe that’s why I love my husband, he can be that way also.. but he is far from Dominant. He has no idea of how to be a Dom and I don’t see him that way.

In my dream Raymond Reddington (James Spader, of course) was simply going about his day and I was with him.. there was nothing sexual about the dreams content, except for the feeling of anticipation that at any moment he could call me to sit on his lap or cuddle.

I guess I miss that. I woke up wondering how in the world I am living such a vanilla life when I am sure there is someone out there who could fit this bill. I guess that’s dreams versus reality though.


ddToday I was shopping and walking towards a couple, the wife didnt notice me and was on my side of the isle blocking my way… but before she reached me the man put his hand on the back of her neck and steered her in front of him while she carried on talking.

It was so sexy.
Vanilla people wont get it.. but it was.

Winter. bleah.

So the snow can fuck off at any time.

-15c everyday is not my idea of a lovely climate. I grew up on the coast near the ocean where it’s always temperate. I miss that. However my dreams of moving to PEI are still hanging in there..  can you blame me though? You can get a house there for 20 thousand dollars lol.

All my Christmas shopping is done, yay!  (right down to buying 7 stockings for my cats lol) My dilemma this year is that since my 18 year old is going to her boyfriends families house.. and my son is going to his fathers.. and my husband is in Germany.. I don’t want to cook. I welcome the chance to get a break from the holiday mania. The problem is that my 95 year old Grandma wants to come over. This year she’s going to just have to figure something else out, I have had her over every year since she moved into care.. which means packing her wheelchair up and down stairs, taking to her the toilet every half hour, pulling her pants down and wiping her bum for her when she’s done. It sounds selfish but I don’t want to do it this year. My uncle loves to remind everyone that he is her SON and I am “only the granddaughter”.. well buddy.. drive the 3 hours and have Christmas with your mom at her retirement home, or bring her down there with you. It shouldn’t always be up to me. I’m “just the granddaughter”.

On the bright side my hubby is back in march. It will be so nice to have him by me again…and.. to have sex! Omg it’s been almost a year with no sex and I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I was looking very forward to getting laid. 😀  I know we’ll fight, because he tries to be bossy with me.. and after the Greek fiasco the submissive side of me is never coming out again. All these idiots reading 50 shades of grey.. (or is it gray?) and daydreaming about a Dom don’t realize how much it hurts when they betray you. My “Dom” ended up calling me names and being super rude to me.. yet for 10 years he claimed to love me and called me his good girl. That shit stings when you’ve held nothing back from someone, and let them deeply and honestly into your mind. So yeah.. Never. Ever. Again.  I want a vanilla marriage, or I want to be the Domme. Nothing else. A lot of men think being Dom is being bossy.. that’s not it at all. There’s a fine art to the mental control that comes with being a Dom.. and I’m never allowing someone “in” again.

The wind is howling outside.. shaking the house.

Maybe I’ll wake up and be in Oz! 🙂 lol that would be fun. Okay, goodnight.