A quick update

So, hubby is back and working. This is great because I don’t have to work, I get to stay home.. and besides, I have had to deal with an ongoing depression since my Grandma passed away last February. I miss her and my Grandpa so much. I’ve felt a huge feeling of loss since she left.. my son is 17 and my daughter is 19 now, and I miss them being little. I feel that loss also. Its been hard.

My birthday’s coming up and I’ll be turning 48 years old. Hmm.. whats good about that? lol not much. If Im not careful I will pee when I sneeze and I have to take pills twice everyday for a stomach issue I’ve developed. Hooray. Oh well, at least I still look good. *shrug*

I’m still waiting for my Grandparents estate to be settled. I haven’t heard from my uncle (the executor) since just after Grandma died.. that’s 6 months now. However, I have read that it takes a year after someone dies to settle the estate, this year is actually called “the executors year”. Before I looked into it I was worried he could just spend the money himself, but after looking up the laws I found out he cant touch the money legally until every beneficiary has signed an agreement saying its okay. So.. Im just waiting patiently.

In the mean time I am just looking for houses to buy once everything is settled. I cant wait to move and not have to work in nursing anymore. Im burnt out.

My daughter is going on a trip by herself in two days, I am very stressed out about it and worried for her safety. She’s going by bus and I dont feel its safe, plus she will be staying in another province for a week and a half.. alone.. she’s only 19 years old.. of course her ex boyfriend lives in that town but he’s as reliable as a broken car and she’s so naive. *sigh* I just cant wait till she comes back safely.

Anyway.. how about that Jensen Ackles?? God bless his cotton socks he’s actually probably the most perfect specimen I’ve ever laid eyes on.. and I’ve laid eyes on quite a few. lol. cheers!

I’ll just leave this right here…. ahem.

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Whelp.

I went to the interview this afternoon.

As I said it was a panel interview consisting of (possibly) my immediate manager and two people from company’s the board of directors. While it is somewhat nerve racking having three people asking you questions and inundating you with scenario’s, I think I killed it. I felt quite in control of the situation and I had them laughing and feeling comfortable. I am sure I came across quite capable and confident.

So.. I will know by Thursday if I got it or not. I guess it’s fingers crossed that nobody more qualified was interviewed.

Also.. its my 4th wedding anniversary.

Hubby is still not back from Germany yet and I am getting tired of passing milestones that aren’t celebrated because I’m a single married woman. ūüėź

Its 3am

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Its 3am and I cant sleep.

I get insomnia when I’m stressed out, and tomorrow is a stressful day. I have a job interview at a place I’d really like to work at. Even worse, the higher up the corporate ladder you climb, the more stressful the interviews. This interview is a “panel interview”. So I’ll have to navigate questions from a panel of 3 executives.¬† Therefore I should be sleeping, I need to be alert.¬† Someone tell my brain that?

C’mon brain, give it a rest already.¬† ugh.

It lingers, unfortunately.

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She’s broken because she believed, he’s ok because he lied.

Last night, yet again, I had a dream about my greek ex.

Even though I’m happy my husband is coming back, these stupid and unhappy dreams resurface. Its not like they are romantic dreams or anything happy at this point either, just stupid dreams about other things wherein he pops up and is a negative addition to another dream.

As you can see, I have made the posts about him password protected. I did not do this because I am afraid of him, or out of respect for him, but because I feel pity on him. Obviously he was not man enough to simply ask me to remove the posts privately, he maliciously created a whole blog for the sole purpose of slandering my name… and¬†out of¬†spite¬†I kept the posts public to begin with. Now I am past the anger and simply don’t care. So I decided to make the posts private. Its funny how this “big man” went through all the trouble of creating a blog just to try to get under my skin. I used to think he was so much more of a higher being than to stoop so low.

I wish you all could have felt the respect and trust I had for him at one point. I truly would have given my life for him if he asked for it. To me he was above all other men, I guess that’s what a Dom should be.. I don’t know. Imagine the feeling though, of having someone you held in such high regard betray your trust and call you names, then ask yourself who that reflects worse on: them or you. I would say him because everyone knows, a real Dom never loses control.

I do check to see if his blog is still there though, just to see how long he will remain so childish. Seeing him fall so far from grace is pitiful.  Oh well. All I can say is I feel sorry for any girl who trusts him implicitly. Anyway enough of that.

I chalk these “bad dreams” up to stress.

Its not like the greek was the only bad element in last nights dream, there was also stressful scenario’s about my daughter and¬†thinking I had to move homes.

Obviously a product of my worried mind.

Hubby is to return in a mere few days, and I am absolutely worried about his trip across the border. There has been a delay in his permanent residence papers and now he must travel without them (because the photographer in Germany fucked up the passport photos). This means he will likely be hassled at his point of entry, and again at first landing in Canada.

Thank God I have hired a certified immigration consultant. She has been well worth the 3 thousand dollars, she has been¬†a real help.¬† I would highly recommend anyone who is immigrating to retain such an individual. I can’t imagine doing all this without her professional help.

I guess I should have known there would be snags just before the finish line.

My son and I are going to take a day trip into the forest today, for a picnic.. just to try to calm and re-center ourselves during all this chaos.

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Its the perfect day for it, not too hot and not too cold.

Anyway, until later. x

One week!

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One week until my husband returns, and has his permanent residence papers all in order and finished.¬†All in, it’s probably cost us almost 8 thousand dollars.. but it was worth it.

It has been a long year apart. With much loss and heartache. I am looking forward to his return and finally having a shoulder to cry on.

Marriage is a funny thing. It’s like my Grandpa used to say “marriage doesn’t solve all your problems”. In fact, it creates quite of few of it’s own. I have never done well with compromise, but I’m learning. Thank God he’s patient. I am not an easy girl to love at times. I am very headstrong.

Grandma’s estate is in the process of being settled.. I miss her so much. Often times I cry just thinking about our times together. Its hard to be without her and grandpa.

ah well.. death is hardest on the ones left behind. The ones who have gone ahead are at peace.

Grandma’s memorial

grandma-youngWell, my Uncle decided he did not feel that he should put on any funeral or memorial for Grandma, so I decided to. It was today, and it was held in a local church. It was very nice (but sad yes). There was a PowerPoint slideshow of photos of Grandma, with music, and I found a piper to come in from an hour away to play the bagpipes in her honor for us. The pastor said a few nice words and far away family came. Afterwards we had a big banquet table of food and visited for awhile with the mourners.

It was a very hard day, but I was supported by both my children and their friends as well as my out-of-town family and local friends.

I will miss her so much.

RIP Grandma

Grandma passed away peacefully in her sleep at 8am this morning. She had been on pain meds so she was very comfortable. Her son was on his way up to visit her when he got the news, so he is with her corpse now, waiting for the funeral home to pick her up. I am not going to see her in death. I choose to remember her in life. She had a good life, almost making it to her 94th birthday and she went as she always wanted to go “in her sleep” like her father.¬†¬†She would tell me often “I hope I just go to sleep and don’t wake up”.

At 6am she was saying “I want to see Andy” (her husband of 64 years), then she settled back down and went to sleep. She got her wish. ¬†She’s with grandpa now. They both passed away in February, 7 years apart.

I will love & miss you both forever, you & my children were my world.  Until we meet again, and you come back for me.